with therapist...Me: This current plan does not seem to be working. I want a clearer way to deal with the problem.
Th: So what you are trying to say is, that you want my help in finding a way to deal with the problem
Me: (thinks to self.. have I been talking chinese since the past 4 months?)..... Yes!!
Th: But then you are assuming that you know that the plan isnt working.
Me: Yes, I do not think it is working.
Th: I would disagree with you on that. There are a lot of things you do much more easily now.. (gives example.)
Me: No, not necessarily. I do not find them easy.. (gives several examples.) And it is quite frustrating that a)you do not see that and b)we cannot find another way or plan to deal with it.
Th: So what you are trying to say is, that you are very frustrated about how things are going and you want my help to find some other way.
Me: Yes. I dont think you are helping much by sticking to just one plan, which I have already scratched as not working.
Th: It must be very frustrating then to not have any plan or way to handle the problem
Me: Yes, it is.
Th: Lets talk about why you got frustrated and upset in the last session.
Me: You know what? I am too irritated right now, and you are not giving me any ideas or support. So I will see you next week ( or never.... someone knock me back to my senses)..
Not the exact conversation, but pretty much a gist of what happens when I want answers and a defined plan. It is quite obvious that I need to change the counselor, it just not that easy a task.
A month of so of updating another one with the background, going all over it again, paperwork to connect him with the primary doctor and to the disability insurance and on and on.. And the stress to myself to deal with a new person and place all over again.. blahh.
The simple question why do I need one. I dont really, but this is the only way other than doping up on meds to keep the recovery on track and keep the frustration and depression in check.