Wednesday, January 06, 2016


I started my visual therapy treatment last month. It started with a program that can be run on my computer, with exercises for eye training like moving targets, moving boxes, matching targets etc. In the past month and a half I tried the exercises just 4 times. and whether I do them for 10 minutes or 30 seconds, I crash. My eyes stop working (being able to read or work on a computer etc), my ears and head hurt, my balance gets crappy, and I get vertigo.

I was thinking of an analogy of what might be happening so I can use it to make others around understand and here is how the analogy works.

Think of a big computer system/software or a computer. Something stops working in that computer, say a driver or software. The computer knows that something isn't working, but the computer cannot fix it. It can keep running with the not working part, just like the body and brain keep functioning even with messed up nerves or muscles. You can keep working the computer or the body, keep telling it to work, it will work, but the problem is not going to get resolved by itself.

Now a developer/coder comes in and attempts to figure out the problem and fix it. The initial few passes, any code that he writes will most likely cause crashes in the system. After a few tries, he may find something that works. After a couple more tries and a deeper understanding of how the software works, he may figure out what solution is needed and proceed to write it. The code that he writes for the solution might not work the fist time he writes it. After a few iterations, it might finally start working as expected.

The visual therapy is working similarly on my brain. Trying to create new paths of dependence as some nerves just do not work. In the initial stages, everything just crashes, and it will.

Its always a complete crash. I get from being able to do loads of work continuously for 8 to 9 hours on the computer, in the kitchen, photography, editing, walking chewie, driving around etc, to being able to do nothing. I just sit and listen to audiobooks, curse the vertigo (the vertigo always comes back), sleep and repeat. All this after just 30 seconds of exercise. #$%#$*

I don't know, how I will keep getting motivated to do the exercises, even though I know they will likely help me in the future.

The down time of 3 to 4 days, the bad eyes and vertigo are extremely depressing. I was doing so much every single day of last year, except for a few bad days or rest days. Every dingle day I was accomplishing something. I am keeping up the hope that I get used to the exercises soon and crash less and less with less extremes just like the computer fix.