Monday, May 01, 2017

Social Life

The issue with any kind of limitations, differences, lifestyle that are outside the normal people can do sphere is that it immediately affects the social life. Its not just about differently abled people. Anyone going through an acute issue, pregnancy, baby etc faces similar issues. Some of these are temporary and eventually the normal can do balance is either reached or slightly altered version is achieved.

With social media, atleast I and several other people for whom it is not temporary, can connect with many more people. But there is always a need for more real life social connections. In the past few years, it would be a fight to figure out how to achieve that. It would also get very depressing not meeting any other person for days and weeks. I would then have to force myself to do things. Attending large get togethers even when I knew the after effects would cost me a night and a whole day of being bed ridden. Inviting people over and not enjoying it because of the stress of hosting (house, food etc) or just the stress of holding a conversation. 

So in the last year I have decided to let go of some of these expectations of me. It is ok to not have a perfect house, it is ok to not have food to serve to people (order in!), it is ok to not cook for people when they visit, it is ok to not respond to each and every conversation. It is ok to not know everything. It is ok to accept that you are a slower version of yourself. 

My brain works overtime all day everyday and it has less resources available to process multiple things. I know now that it drops threads if occupied elsewhere. Like you might notice me either babbling not much sense, or not responding to you at all esp if there are multiple conversations going on. Its not you, my brain just dropped that input. Eventually it might or might not get to it. This generally makes me anxious when I have to talk to new people. But the anxiety only interferes in the things that I can do. Even a little bit of anxiety affects my balance a lot and bad balance can make me more anxious and that just becomes a cycle. If i break that cycle, then i have a high chance of enjoying the event, the conversation and what not. 

So this year, I am ok being slow, I am ok not looking all cleaned up and put together, I am ok if not everyone likes me as a person. I am ok babbling, I am ok being me.