Thursday, March 03, 2016


Hubbs has been through all the thick and thin with me. The lows, the vertigo attacks, panic attacks, depression, anxiety, then getting better and slipping back and everything. He is the only person who knows how to help me in any situation.

With the anxiety therapy, one of the things we have to try is to reduce the dependence I have on him, so that I can be less anxious when he is unreachable, or when he is hiking or when he is travelling (which he hasnt done yet for more than 2 days). Why the dependence in the first place. As a limitedly abled person there is always some things I cannot do. Something like me losing my balance, or getting a vertigo attack (which sometimes does not give any warning) is a real possibility anyday, that can put me a in a situation where I am stuck sitting in one place without being able to reach my meds or my phone. Who knows how long the vertigo will last without the meds, how long will I sit there, will I yell for help, will anyone hear it? The therapist wanted to know if I had anyone else around that I could depend somewhat on, family and good friends. And I told her that family lives far away and all the good friends have either moved from the city, or moved on with their lives.

Thats a common occurrence isn't it. Everyone sticking to similar minded people, with similar lifestyles, similar abilities and similar priorities. Anything you are or do differently, simply means a slowly increasing distance from the non different set. For me, the time when I could have cultivated deeper friendships, went in recovery and understanding my limited abilities. Who would want to spend their time sitting and chatting away at home when they can get out and party. So now, as a limitedly abled, no kid, vegan person, it is practically impossible to find people who can be good friends and dependable.
I do have a few, but I have learnt from experience, that the dependence on anyone other than spouse, ( & sometimes family), doesn't work. A friend is always a second priority after children and family.

So the only way, is to figure out dependence on myself. We will see how that goes. 


  1. true thats the real story people like us are always treated differently

  2. I know what it's like to live in a place that's new to go or you just don't have time to cultivate friendships. I wish I lived in Seattle! Would love to meet you