Tuesday, July 28, 2015


It is difficult to think logically when I am anxious. We've been trying and trying since the last 2 years for hubbs to be able to go overnight hiking or elsewhere overnight. Getting a satellite phone so he is always connected by messaging, planning well, practicing etc. He hasnt left me alone at night in 9 years. Through the entire surgery, ptsd, vertigo, anxiety and everything, he has become my safe person. Someone who makes me feel calmer and that everything will be ok.

The activity during the day keeps me occupied so it works well. But nights are very difficult to spend alone. Negative thoughts stay at bay during the day.But at night if I am alone, I havent found a way yet to keep them out. And it just gets worse if I cannot fall asleep.

Maybe one day, I will find something that works or with practice it will be a more approachable thing. Maybe one day, I will be able to let hubbs do what he wants to, all the trips he wants to take, the overnight hikes and everything else.
He did do a ton of day hikes and spent a night at Base Camp on Rainier, which was something I wouldnt have imagined happening last year!


  1. you are lucky to get such a good hubbs. just get strong -- ask him to stay at a friends place and see how you do. If needed call him. like this you will get used

    1. thanks. we've been doing that. its completely different though when he is on the mountain with almost no connectivity as the phones dont work