Thursday, November 14, 2013


I have been thinking about how we humans seem to be programmed to choose to be surrounded by the most similar people, make close group friendships around close to the group equilibrium of common behaviors. It makes sense in a way, because it is the least effort path. No adjustments and life goes on.
It is a bit different with family because we dont have a choice who we are related to. Luckily, my family adjusts very well around me. So sometimes we are forced to adjust, but friendships and other relationships are a choice.

There are a few(or probably lots) instances this does not work well. For me, I am the not so normal individual in our friend circle, who doesn't conform to the least effort state.(I need a minimum of good back support seating, decent lighting and limited moderate noise if I have to spend anything more than 5 minutes anywhere). For this reason, most times we (hubbs and me) or me depending on the event, dont get invited to things. Though I am not even sure I want to keep getting invited to things I cannot do. And when we do get invited, there is hardly a thought put into if the event actually works for us (and I am not even talking about food). More often than not, a little thought would provide an answer of how to make the event more not normal people friendly. Each event for that matter for me is different levels of adjustment, that i do for several reasons including being with hubbs, for myself, for everyone around.

I dont know how this translates to how we all deal with other issues like kids in a group who have slightly different needs like food intolerances or other bigger differences.
I can maybe understand the frustration faced by parents when no one.. friends, schools, relatives, are open to changing something or adding options or generally even giving a thought to the not so normal needs or requirements of the kids. This is probably a bigger question too. The way we deal with anyone with a different interest(creative arts versus science), different lifestyle, with the non conforming lot.

I dont know the answers to these questions. I dont know if I would want to take the easier route if I was within the easy equilibrium circle, maybe I would too. In a way, it makes sense that why would you want to make the changes, take extra steps when those extra steps might make the event or change not as enjoyable for you. For example, changing a venue or an activity of your birthday or celebration changes how you want it to be. It is your birthday after all. The change though means that the not normal someone can participate. But then do you really want the person there? It is probably a hassle to keep adjusting(eg. food allergies). And if you are thinking probably not, did you ever stop to ask why not?. Some Close and strong relationships happen when people spend time with each other. Do you see the irony here. Its a cycle, if we dont spend time with each other, we dont get to know each other well and develop a bond. Maybe after the closeness, we automatically choose options that are friendlier to the not normal set.

Isnt all this related somehow. If we cannot take that extra effort to accept, be cognizant of and adjust with certain issues with our fellow family and friends, how will we take the extra effort to change something for the animals. Though both can be done mutually exclusively, the changes someone makes for any living being gives a window into the compassion that is there even if stronger for certain people/species, but its there.

Till we find answers, there will be loneliness.

my last year's thanksgiving post here. my ponderings seem to happen around the holidays.

As Isa says and I hope more people follow" A larger tradition for Thanksgiving is inclusiveness. Or, at least, that is what we’re supposed to tell our children. Let's keep that tradition by providing something out of nothing. Or, more specifically, cutlets out of chickpeas. Here’s to new traditions!"


  1. I feel like it is worth it to make a small change to be more inclusive. I'm sorry your friends don't see it the same way sometimes. I know how you feel. I don't think that this is mutually exclusive to the "not normal set". Sometimes people just don't feel like putting forth an effort to develop new friendships and invite others to come to an event that they would probably enjoy if given the chance and if the situation/event was made friendly to people who have different needs.

    On a lighter, but slightly related tangent, have you ever read the Scott Pilgrim graphic novels? There is a part where they make a Vegan Shephard's Pie, and one of the characters asks, "Who here is vegan?" Scott answers, "No one, we just like to be inclusive." I love that line!

    1. thank you Elise. I would love people like Scott around. It makes things so much simpler :)

  2. Hey Richa, I can totally agree with ur thoughts on this post.