Monday Sun!

Yup, finally the sun is peaking out of the clouds today.

Hubbs work load went down from the weekend and shockingly he remembered our anniversary day and blocked off his calendar.

The usual monday counselling and thankfully I could speak much more. I usually cannot speak continuous sentences if too anxious, mostly because I am trying to regulate my breathing and speaking gets in the way :) . But even after 6 months, most days I am not comfortable at the therapy. Its one of those places I guess, like a hospital, you can never associate happy memories with it.

Ready to hit the bed now. Brushed chewchew fluff's teeth. Put a reminder to take pictures of the Orange Blueberry bread so I can put up a post on the food blog. Another reminder to film a video of chew's toothbrushing routine to put up on the pet blog! all done..

Anniversary upgrade!

Its that time of the year again.. though its been 3 years since my last ring upgrade!!

We were doubling the diamond every anniversary for 3 yrs. This feb will be the 6th wedding anniversary!! Yayy for that!!

I was trying to find conflict free diamonds to put on my wedding ring. But though the conflict free diamonds are certified to be not from a war zone. blood diamond, warlords, civil wars. They are most likely canadian, and diamond mining in Canada is not really bound by many laws. And that means destruction of glacial habitats.

I guess I am going to upgrade to a Vintage recycled ring..

Clean self ;)

After a clean house.. its clean self day today.. honey had a long overdue hair cut.. and now a shave.. amazingly he gets irritated by his beard much earlier than I start noticing the shagginess!. Apparently he cant take the itch and the heat!

Met Oscar, the neurotic norfolk terrier on our floor yesterday.. he is like a constantly jumping thing on a trampoline.. hes got so much energy! And the 1 year old kid he lives with has started following his energetic behavior.. the cute plump bundle lets out a shriek of happiness whenever oscar jumps and yips. And that oscar does non stop to get your attention.. jumping and yipping.. and a shriek of joy from the baby,.. then some more jumping and yipping.. Brings a smile to your face..

And also the thought that man, I do not have that kind of energy to deal with 2 yipping bundles of cuteness. :)

We'll get there some day and then have our own yipping cuties!

Time to make some baghare baingan !

Clean houseee!

Phew, house cleaned after 4 weeks. It feels so good. I think I should call the house cleaner every week... I have to use a translator though and speak in bad spanish :) It would be so much easier if she understood English a bit more

If anyone wants to drop by, it is a clean house weekend!

Early morning!

Good morning! Woke up early today coz i was already getting hunger pangs at 7!

And then mr chew fluff retched up some undigested biscuit.. Time for clean up!

Its a rainy saturday and the house needs a major deep cleaning.. so off we start off.. now if only hubbs has some time off his builds..

Hungry already at 11:30!

Friiidaay!

yeah that time of the week again.. Hubbs is busy with his releases.. and getting all worked up.. then he realizes that all the stuff he reads and tells me to apply, he can apply to himself too..

the time space continuum.. When you step back from the small problems in the bigger time picture or bigger space picture, they are not really that important to cause so much stress..!!

Had my appointment with the PCP today.. so a bit doped up on Valium... It takes some effort to get to the hospital. I should probably move the PCP to the new UW family clinic 2 blocks from home!

Thats the good part about living in downtown. Everything within 5 blocks.!

I remember when Vivek had his knee surgery in Oct 2009 and was not driving for a week and I needed some stuff on the 4th day. I was so tired, I was sleep walking and the stress and the tiredness meant I couldnt have driven a car without risking a dizzy spell. But I walked 4 blocks and found a Rite Aid!

Seems like that was a different life..

Foggy Thursday..

Woke up late to a fog here in a seattle. And my mind was also foggy. I usually am in a bad mood if i dont get good sleep in the night.. And thats how last night was. I have no clue why.

And then the stupid fire alarm testing started. The test was supposed to be only in the lobby, but started in the house too. I made hubbs call the concierge to check, coz i would have blasted his ears for the morning annoyance. and sure it was a mistake.. as usual!

Now the rest of the day finally starts.. write up the pet of the day   and bringing Fido home series on my other blog. Read up posts from my foodie blog roll. a lot of breads and some amazing new dishes. Facebook, twitter, news... youtube videos.. recipes.. exercises..

Look at the positives!

Is such a difficult thing. People like me, need to constantly find something positive, to motivate them to get out of the funk. And what do I do? I read a piece of news about some person or animals getting hurt or abused somewhere and get upset and back into the funk.

Isn't it amazing how everything we humans do whether in the name of entertainment, fun, romanticism or beauty.. always hurts someone else...

So either I shut down my hyper feelers and use ignorance and out of sight out of mind to just see all the happy stuff in the world .... to self.. hello .. probably quite  impossible.

Or Use that to motivate myself to make some small efforts to help some of those who are hurt. And I know there are a lot of us out there, constantly striving to make a change, find ways, to reduce the hurt and the pain. That is what is a much bigger motivation. I know of these hurts, because someone found out about them, someone made an effort to get them out there, someone started a small movement to find solutions and alternatives, someone like you and me questioned it.

We, with our big brains, cannot claim ignorance and live in our own bliss. We, will have to reply to our own heart some day. That day, will you be at peace with yourself?

Sunny Wednesday

Its sunny in seattle today. I am sounding like a weather blog!
A big Yay for Mom and Dad taking time to read my blogs.. though most of it is such blabber that they probably think that I am going nuts :D:D

I realized some days back that I get too aggressive when I talk about topics that I am passionate about.  And I want to blabber a whole big deluge on information onto anyone who is listening.. Cant help it.. Sometimes people just have not been given that kind of information. So its difficult to just stop and prioritize what message you want the person to get, instead of the message just getting lost in the humongous amounts of blabber.  
Its quite a difficult challenge for sure.. Thats why a lot of the very passionate activists end up getting a bad name. We all have that passion, but not everyone understands our point of view. So we have to stop and think as the other person and then give them more than one reason to agree with our thinking.. phew..

Oh yeah, If you do encounter me in one of the information explosion modes, wait for a few minutes.. I will be back to normal and logical speaking in a few .:):)
Thats one thing we both have, hubbs also has information explosions in his head and only some of it gets out, when I get the explosion, most of it gets out, but I get too hyper in the process. In both cases, I think the main point does not always get across!

My passions..
Please dont buy or breed pets, while shelter pets die. 6-8 million pets are euthanized each year. Thats more than 20,000 per day!
Be kind, whether it is food or anything that you use, look for things that have not caused pain and suffering to anyone in the process of getting to you.

Analogies

I was thinking about some ways to get me and my counselor on the same page and decided to use analogies. Since she loves to use them while explaining her point.. but usually she takes a bit too long and i get impatient :)

Its like I am learning to swim in a pool and am scared of water, and she is my trainer, but she is always on the pool side, never inside the pool. If she cannot even extend her hand a bit to help me and get a tiny bit of the water splashed on her in the process, then I dont know if she will ever be able to understand. It also indicates too much indifference I would think..

Do counselors and other doctors like surgeons eventually exhaust their supply of understanding, sympathy and empathy.. ? because of their constant exposure to so much pain every day every hour.. and hence the indifference?

A World apart!

Here I am trying to to talk about being compassionate and kind, knowing what you use and eat everyday how it affects other living things, and looking beyond my own selfish existence and a conversation back home at relatives place goes like "Fire the kaamwaali (dish cleaning lady) coz she is a Harijan (Dalit)". Duuhh.. reallly

Decisions decisions

Its raining again.. and I keep getting doubts about my counselor. Sometimes we are just on such a different page, that we are not even on the same book.

Will think about that a couple more weeks down the line. Gotta get my PCP appointment done and out of the way.. then we will have some holistic Yoga sessions...  Ooommmmmm.. :)

Oh well, the breathing exercises do help to calm you down. Regular breathing exercises also help with the allergies. At least they do help me. Otherwise the sinus congestion and headaches are just bad!
The irony of the situation is, mom taught me all the exercises and mom and sis were doing it then and would badger me into doing it. Now they have all become lazy about it and I keep telling them to pick it up! :D

Taking a weekend off!

I took this weekend off from all my regular plans and things to do or try. Most days esp weekends usually end up getting filled with some or the other plans.
No not really any big plans like normal people. No big parties.. no long drives:)

Plans for me are just simple things like being able to go for a drive and increase the radius by a couple of blocks, or be able to go to the grocery store and get something, or be able to walk chewie more than 2 blocks, or be able to have people over. All the things that you never ever think about because they are just a natural schedule, become a big thing for me to handle.

So until we can figure out whats causing all the crazy anxiety.. its small steps to get used to each and every small thing.. small steps to get back to a semblance of a normal life.

Its so difficult to take the weekend off and do nothing, because obviously I do nothing most of the other days as well. But what I now know about myself  is that The person who is the hardest on me, is myself. I apparently expect too much out of myself. I better give myself a break. As breaks are quite refreshing.

Money, money, money

is the one thing that make me super uncomfortable.. I just cannot deal with money issues..

That is probably a big reason why I married a Marwari.:):) He takes care of the numbers!

Where the numbers are coming from, where they are headed, where to save, what to manage..
People defining you by how much you get home, relatives and friends envy or pity, fights, yours and mine..
the world just keeps revolving around it..
Its understandable in a way, because a lot of us come from a background of hard work, limited spending and limited privileges. But when it becomes an obsession, to get more and more,  its just not right.

I think i have a phobia of this obsession. I have seen too many obsessed people who cannot think logically and prioritize the important things..

There is so much more to life and happiness..

Its that day of the week again!

And I finally remembered to fix my Recipe Index on the cooking blog ! Heres the index now!
http://hobbyandmore.blogspot.com/p/recipe-index_21.html
Chewie is sleeping away beside me. I can hear his calm and regular breathing. He is such a cuddle bug. His hair is growing away to fluffdom and he needs a good brushing this week to remove the tangles!
What next.. make facebook pages for the blogs.. I think I am gonna get the wrist pain again. I need to find a good office chair( the one without wheels) and sit in the home office on the ergonomic keyboard.. 


I like it when hubbs gets in touch and responds almost immediately. of course dont like it, if there are any delays in meetings, elevators and people not letting him go! He is my safe person after all!

6 pm on a thursday

I am trying to keep myself occupied these days.. So people might keep getting disturbed on chat:)

Reading up. writing on all 3 of my blogs, thinking of things to write, thinking of things to bake. and so on.

Its a grey day again today.. who am I kidding.. Seattle has more than 300 grey and or rainy days! bleh.

Listening to Jayne Anne Krentz- Truth or Dare today.  and baking some russet potatoes..

Walked chewie in the cold and now my balance is off.. another bleh.. these random changes in weather just dont gel well with my sinuses. Time to move to Alaska or CA with mostly the same temperatures all year round!

I tried to watch Idol yesterday. but my nerves are too edgy to deal with the really bad singers.. I'll wait till they have the final good ones...

Maybe Sun does matter!

It sunny here in Seattle today..

Yesterday was a horridly grey day after a number of grey and rainy days.. And I was ready to snap at anything. One of those days when you get irritated or frustrated at just about anything and want to break something!:)

I remember once trying to bread an old chipped plate by throwing it in the garbage bin. Yeah coz who will clean up the mess if i throw on the floor:D. It dint break. I tried 3 times. Then I gave up, and my irritation had disappeared by then!

Today, I woke up in a surly mood because my sleep was disturbed. But the sun is shining now and the mood is slowly getting better!

Why is it a good day. Coz I got some extra hugs from hubbs in the morning... or coz its sunny.. either way.. lets hope it stays this way!

Gotta make a blueberry orange Bread today... I had some wrist pain yesterday, probably coz of too much typing on the laptop.. :) trying to rest it today .. lets see..

Another week another session!

Monday today!

I started working on the new blog this weekend. Most ideas I get, either require a lot of work out of my comfort zone, or I lose the passion behind the idea really quickly. Lets see how long this one continues. The new blog is http://find-me-a-happy-pet.blogspot.com/ . It is currently a collection of points to go through before adopting a pet, points to help you choose the right pet and then prepare your home and family for the care and a lovely life together!

Now heading to another session with the counselor, who has some weird belief that something happened to me when I was an infant or still in the womb.. hmm.. maybe i should get a different one.. i dont understand psychology anyway. Another thing I dont like about her is how she keeps trying to associate my progress with what I do in the sessions for every small thing. I think thats the problem with psychoanalysis. They want you to stick to them for years to introspect and alter your personality....

TGIF!

Its friday already!
Yay!

Our nanny quit, so we found a new one. I dont even know if it is a good idea. It takes so much time to just get used to another presence in the house and that too someone you dont really know.

Though in the nanny quest, we did find some people who just had this calm and non judgmental presence. Its nice to know that there are people I can be comfortable with out there.

Random thought moment.....
For anyone using "humans are omnivores" argument to completely ignore the ethical implications of eating factory farmed meat. Think of this. Humans are quite the sexually active living beings too, but that does not mean we can use 2 year old sex slaves to satiate that need.  Get the point!

Pet finder!

Maybe I should become this agent/broker who helps people find best matched pets from the nearest shelters or rescues.

Not sure if anyone is doing that already.

I think a lot of people, even though they do want to adopt a pet, get overwhelmed by the choices or just the idea of meeting 10 dogs at the shelter or any small things esp if it is their first pet.

and then sometimes they will just find a puppy on sale somewhere and buy it, because its just one choice and its a puppy! Not the way to go for sure.

I was committed to adopting, but i remember getting overwhelmed at the shelter and eventually, we adopted chewie after days of search on petfinder.com from a rescue. Not everyone has that kind of time really..

Lets see if I can make something of this idea..

Snow here and gone..

It snowed all evening and part of the night yesterday.

I usually like the snow, but the last time it snowed in seattle, life just got stuck for 3 days. Ice on the roads, traffic snarls, people stuck for 10 hours on highways.. Not a happy event to remember.

Nowadays the first hour of snow brings in happiness and beauty of the flurries.. and then the only thing i can think about is how seattle is so ill equipped to handle it. I cant imagine hubbs driving on the slick roads filled with inexperienced drivers.. or getting stuck somewhere and me all alone. He is my safe person. I should probably train a couple more people to be the safe persons...

Luckily, its warm in the morning today and all of the snow is turning into slush.

And we are also going to try some yoga and Tai chi. Soon we will be talking in holistic and therapeutic and yoga jargon!

Sometimes I think, the quest to find answers is like someone trying to stay afloat in the ocean surrounded by dispersed hay, and then grabbing at each of the straws in the hope to make a boat someday!.

An old friend and a thick headed brother!

Just connected with a really old friend today. Catching up on old times!

I always wonder why we women dont have these set of old friends, who we can connect with any time after any number of years and continue on. I think we girls end up moving here and there and get scattered after weddings and eventually settle and have to come up with a new set of friends.

And whoever came up with "You cant fix stupid" is a genius. Yes, that's you younger bro.

I have to learn to not be bothered by people who just dont want to open their minds to certain things!. I am too sensitive a person(twing, sudden understanding of self!) and too passionate about some things. (twing 2).

I am so much better than sooo many people :) My happy thought of the day for myself! Note to self: Keep it up!

uggh day!

Work schedule still not settled yet..

second week of hubbs at work.. and my stress is all up there after a nice and calm december.

hubbs got lost in the car garage adding 10 minutes to the usual 4 min of not in touch time.

and the bundle of nerves also has counselling today. which i keep getting doubts about.

ugghh

time to give chewie a hug.. He has changed over the years. He dint like being hugged hard and cuddled. Now he sits and likes being cuddled for hours!

Keep facing the past or move forward and forget about it

Is the question..

Psychoanalysis keeps making me face the past and the fears. And of course look at it from outside and deal with it.

CBT will make me move forward and learn to deal with things and eventually the positive loops will help me forget it.

But I have tried the forgetting style before, but things always have a way of coming back in different shapes and forms. So better just deal with them!

And the struggle begins again

The struggles and stresses of work life balance.. for hubbs of course.. after a month long break

and the stresses of work for me.. coz I am continuously jittery when hubbs is at work. I cant even eat properly, hence the weight loss.

Its a frustrating problem to have. And keeps leading to discussion about solutions, faster solutions, complete solutions.. medications, alternatives etc etc and etc. And mostly not finding answers in those discussions is even more frustrating.

I think I should just stop trying to find answers. The quest for elusive answers is always just disheartening and even more stressful..

Ahh if only things were simpler.

My blog is becoming my personal diary again!

Green Tea, GABA and nannies

So what have we been upto these days..

We tried Homeopathy for 2-3 months (july-sept) .. we've been on a constant quest to find alternative treatments. And we are now trying Naturopathy.. Green Tea, Kava, vit b-12 shots anyone?

Green tea helps in the formation of GABA which is responsible for creating calming electrical impulses in the brain. You can read up more on links found on any search engine.. so well dope on a lot of green tea. Lots of whole grains , beans and nuts too with all the GABA, vit-12 and omega-3 fatty acids.. all necessary for a calming balance!

The sudden turn of events started up in May when I had my 3 year MRI. Everything is clear.. Yayy for that!.. But I think the break from docs and all the progress and confidence from a great 2009 hit this wall of reality and fell off a cliff because all the memories came trotting back happily into my head.. Damn them! and bam Panic disorder!

But eventually this i something that needs to be handled, and better now than later in life!

We also have been looking and trying out nannies, to just have someone else present with me in the house. Its like trying to find a hubby for an arranged marriage.. A few minutes of one meeting or a few meetings to decide if we both are compatible or not and if the Nanny's presence gels with the energy of the house! We found some really sweet people who genuinely are nice and want to help and some unreadable and creepy ones too. But thats life!

Time for a shot of green tea!