The issue with any kind of limitations, differences, lifestyle that are outside the normal people can do sphere is that it immediately affects the social life. Its not just about differently abled people. Anyone going through an acute issue, pregnancy, baby etc faces similar issues. Some of these are temporary and eventually the normal can do balance is either reached or slightly altered version is achieved.
With social media, atleast I and several other people for whom it is not temporary, can connect with many more people. But there is always a need for more real life social connections. In the past few years, it would be a fight to figure out how to achieve that. It would also get very depressing not meeting any other person for days and weeks. I would then have to force myself to do things. Attending large get togethers even when I knew the after effects would cost me a night and a whole day of being bed ridden. Inviting people over and not enjoying it because of the stress of hosting (house, food etc) or just the stress of holding a conversation.
So in the last year I have decided to let go of some of these expectations of me. It is ok to not have a perfect house, it is ok to not have food to serve to people (order in!), it is ok to not cook for people when they visit, it is ok to not respond to each and every conversation. It is ok to not know everything. It is ok to accept that you are a slower version of yourself.
My brain works overtime all day everyday and it has less resources available to process multiple things. I know now that it drops threads if occupied elsewhere. Like you might notice me either babbling not much sense, or not responding to you at all esp if there are multiple conversations going on. Its not you, my brain just dropped that input. Eventually it might or might not get to it. This generally makes me anxious when I have to talk to new people. But the anxiety only interferes in the things that I can do. Even a little bit of anxiety affects my balance a lot and bad balance can make me more anxious and that just becomes a cycle. If i break that cycle, then i have a high chance of enjoying the event, the conversation and what not.
So this year, I am ok being slow, I am ok not looking all cleaned up and put together, I am ok if not everyone likes me as a person. I am ok babbling, I am ok being me.
I find her vooice and what she says quite soothing. https://itunes.apple.com/nz/podcast/live-awake/id1030019034?mt=2
ReplyDeleteYour blog post is not just ok...it's excellent and relevant in many ways.
ReplyDeleteRicha, when I read your posts on this blog, it all feels so familiar. I could have written this. Maybe not so eloquently, but the feelings I experience are the same. I struggle with all this too. The guilt of not doing everything, the inferiority complex, the fear that life is just passing you by, the struggle to prioritize...I think it is all quite common for people who struggle with disabilities. But I have been realizing more and more that I need to be kind to myself and do what I want/need to do instead of what I think I should be doing. If that means I spend the entire week at home reading and cooking, not meeting anyone and not having "fun" or a social life, it is ok. I think it is important that we let go of the expectations from ourselves, and start appreciating what we do manage to accomplish. Repeat to myself - today whatever I am, whatever I do, whatever I have is enough.
ReplyDeleteTrue, its a learning process. It also doesnt help when family around doesnt understand it well and has many expectations, but they will get there too
DeleteYou are an amazing young woman. You are an inspiration to eat healthy and enjoy the moments. I love that you are being yourself.
ReplyDeleteI know that we have to remind ourselves of that daily.
Your recipes are amazing - I have loved each and every one of them -as we too like spice and Indian food is one of our favourites.
I have tried so many of your recipes and make one of your recipes at least every other day.
I bought five copies of your first cookbook Indian cooking and give them as gifts. I tell my plant based - transitioning friends - about you and they thank me so much for referring them to your website where you tell your own story.
You are my favourite cook - and my favourite book- is Deepak Chopra's book
REINVENTING THE BODY, RESURRECTING THE SOUL
Enjoy the simple life and be good to yourself.
My roots are Canadian (Scottish/Ukrainian).
Sending healing hugs.
Thank you! and thank you for the book suggestion
DeleteYou are an inspiration; thank you for being so outspoken about your journey - I was a cancer survivor from a young age, and it effects how I have moved/ haven't moved over the past decade. Chronic funk can be so isolating; sometimes I feel like am iceberg of trauma floating somewhere in the ocean. Connecting to other folks definitely helps and can be healing. Keep it up, Richa. Your are making a difference!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry about your journey. an Iceberg of trauma is so succinctly put. It definitely is helpful connecting with people. Social media and blog has been helpful that way. Its just hard todo that in person, find people, activities etc.
Delete