Peppen

So we started fostering again and our first foster is Peppen from Red Waggin rescue.

He is a 6 month old cuti puppy who is a bundle of energy.

He knows come, sit and is learning stay, here, load up (into the crate) and we ae also working on his marking as he just got neutered.
Did I mention he is a bundle of energy?  Proof below

He is also very respectful of other dogs, people and children. He loves everyone and gives loads of kisses. He will sit in your lap and fall asleep.
He does not bite. He didnt even fight or try snap at this humping dog who was constantly trying to hump him on the walk with his dog walker. He is an all around super sweet dog. He has pomeranian characteristics just like our dog chewie.

He is a puppy and needs a lot of play time during the day, mental stimulation with training commands, walks, running in the yard, playing with toys. He is food motivated and wants to please, so he learns quickly (with treats and love). He will also need to get out to pee every 2-3 hours as he is a puppy. Ideal home for him will be where he has someone available in the house for most of the day. He stays well inthe crae, but for longer periods I would suggest an xpen with his crate in the pen.

He can be visited at our home in Seattle. I am going to miss this guy once he is adopted.

Here is how you can adopt him

Things on my mind

Crude vs Against the law(link)!

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Trying to a find a test that I can do to look into my sinuses. CT scan did not work as I cannot lie down flat. Waiting on other options from the ENT( If I can reach them (hello Swedish))

Last week we went to try the CT scan at Polyclinic. The nurse technician was incredibly sweet and adjusting. She tried to help in every way. Setting up the pillow, moving me very slowly into the scan etc (this compared to the one who sedated me for my scans and angio many years ago and gave me ptsd with all the shoving, crowding, robotic treatment).
But my position (2 pillows under the head) doesnt work for a sinus scan. The radiologist came to meet us and suggested doing it under sedation. hubbs tried to tell him to stop explaining that as we already know whats involved, but he continued for another minute. Empathy dude.

Anywho..

Lately I have been getting more questions on the blog and facebook page about if people can substitute the non dairy milk, non dairy yogurt, vegan butter, flax egg with their non vegan (dairy, eggs) counterparts. Hmm, these questions are being asked on veganricha.com, on a recipe that says vegan something. I can see why things aren't obvious. Many blogs post vegan recipes and label them vegan, but the rest of the blog is not vegan. But my blog is called Vegan Richa for a reason. And a question about subs will get a response from me about why I use vegan options and what is wrong with the non vegan product.

And to end this random rambling...

Trump did not just "say" things people, He "did" them and he sees nothing wrong with "doing" them or bragging/saying all that he did or will do.

Food for thought - or the yeast?

Dairy ends up being the point of contention for many people trying to transition to a less animal product heavy diet. All that cheese, butter, cream, ice cream, cream cheese, and what not are hard to make alternates of that are exactly the same in texture and flavor.

Why eliminate dairy?



What do I substitute it with?

There are so many brands of non dairy milk now in the market. Soy milk, almond milk, coconut Milk, rice milk, Hemp Milk, macadamia nut milk, hazelnut milk, Oat milk, mixed milks. Brands Almond breeze, So Delicious, Silk, califia farms, pacific and many more.

There are many brands that also offer vegan cheeses such as Miyoko's kitchen, Tree line, Chao Field Roast, Daiya, Follow Your Heart, Tofutti and so on.

Many Ice creams as well made with coconut milk, cashew milk, almond milk etc. Brands so Delicious, Nada Moo, Coconut bliss, soy dream, almond dream and many local brands.

Or you can soon find milk made by yeast which is basically dairy milk as it uses the cow's dna sequence. Animal Free Cow's milk!

Why kill a cow and calf when we have so many options!

Wait there is more.
Cows are often killed by the dairy industry to keep milk prices high! This was revealed in a nationwide class-action lawsuit against dairy cooperatives, groups of farmers who pool their supplies but, as a whole, serve as middlemen between the farmers and dairy processors. The settlement was $52 million. The cows are not going to see a penny of that.

The Us government gives billions in $ to the diary industry in subsidies. Because of falling demand, they also bought $20 million worth of cheese.

Hypocrisy?

Often I will see questions or statements like the following on forums and discussions. Here is what I think about them.

Q: You are a hypocrite if as a vegan you use an iphone or laptop or drive a car or... enter whatever other..

This is basically the similar to the question or statement - why do anything, since one cannot do everything. Everyone is a hypocrite in one way or the other. A person or an issue can have a higher priority for some while the same issue can have a lower priority for the other. A family member will have a higher priority than someone else. Most issues or problems are not really comparable. They are all either connected in some way or are completely different. As a vegan, a person is trying to tackle One of the problems of animal exploitation and commodification. During the life as a vegan- human, many of the connected issues might surface as well, they might be better understood and actions might be taken. LGBT, women's rights, child labor, cheap labor. Many of these are tied together by the concept of rights and equality.

I digress. For the above question, Sometimes it also helps to look at the scale of the problem. People buy Consumables like electronics once in a couple of years. Not all people buy or use the products however. They might come from factories where laborers are exploited. In comparison, one eats animals and animals products a few times daily which leads to 59 Billion animals being killed per year. 59,000,000,000 animals per year, 161643835 per day, 6735159 per hour, 112252 per minute, 1870 per second. If one doesnt want to think of the animals at all, Factory farms also count for incredibly high rates of worker exploitation.

Another point to note is the demand and availability of alternatives. As a vegan, one can omit all animal and animal products and eat well on plants, fruits, legumes, grains, nuts and seeds. With constant demand, now there is also a huge collection of alternatives to animal products, non dairy milks, fake meats etc. With increasing demand and pressure the factories and exploitation of works in any of the electronic consumables industry will go down or alternates will surface.

Do what one can do, instead of pointing out xyz that someone missed in the bigger picture of actions. For eg, If someone sees a neighborhood kid being abused, they might do something, from taking pictures to document, to calling 911, to intervening then and there, anything. Now would you go upto that person who is helping and say - hey man, you are hypocrite for saving that kid, coz you know, you have an iphone, or man millions are dying in another part of the world. So whats the use really?

The use is that that kid that got saved. The use is that that dog that was adopted from the shelter, his life changed completely. The use is that that animal who did not die to be on someone's plate.


Q: What about insects, animals dying during farming because of pesticides, or side effect of agriculture (machines, processing etc)

Vegan-ism is about reducing suffering and exploitation of animals as far as possible. There is a sideeffect of some number of living beings getting hurt or dying because of huge operations in many industries. As far as farming is concerned, the world would need far less farm land, resources and food production to be done if everyone just ate plants. Animal agriculture uses 100s or 1000s of times more plant food to sustain the animal, and produce animal based food. That means 100s of times more farms and 100s of times more side-effected animals getting hurt as a result of more farms. We are currently growing enough food to feed more than 10 billion people, but most of it is fed to farm animals being raised for food. 

The World Bank estimates that 91% of the land deforested in the Amazon since 1970 has been cleared for grazing. Raising cattle for food requires far more land than growing plant-based foods directly for consumption. It also is a substantial contributor to greenhouse gas emissions, a bigger share than all of transportation according to the UN.

So in all, 100s times less number of animals will have to suffer to make plant food for the population.

Tears

I am quite an emotional person. Tears will leak out of my eyes at anything, any video of someone doing something really nice for someone else, some recovery or rescue stories of animals, or even a movie.

I watched a video of a woman's wedding with the person who was giving her away was the person who received her dad's heart when he passed away in an accident some years before. I mean serious tap action.

The other day we were at a new dentist's office. And they were being so nice, saying they would try and adjust to however my seating needs are etc, take breaks and so on. and a few minutes into the discussions hubbs says, don't be so nice to her, she will tear up :) and that I did.

How many times do you find people who are ready to help you outside of their comfort zone. Taking extra time, adjusting and so on are all time intensive activities, they possibly cannot charge for and also difficult on the person. For this reason and the adjustment needed (bending and working etc as I cannot lay flat on the dentist chair), more than half the dentists send me back with either they cant do it, or it would be easier if i just went under anesthesia for all dental work. Atleast they are honest instead of subjecting me to appointments and pushing me to adjust etc.

Life.

The good and the bad

The good stuff. We had an amazing 7 weeks with family visiting.

The bad stuff, they left, so now i have to get back to eye exercises. some new stuff with a polarized glass. ie. crapped out eyes and vestibular system. Why cant things be simpler. Sigh. 

Coining new trendy terms of exploitation

What the hell is veggan , seagan, vb6, seaganism!

I get emails about many new book releases because of the blog. There seems to be a trend these days to create your own labels and terms for the way one eats. Especially because certain terms are trending way more than others, like vegan. Often people want to associate in some way with it for the cool trendy factor. The term people come up with often doesn't even exist and is just plain offensive.

veggan - vegan who eats eggs. There is already a term for that Ovo-vegetarian. 
Seagan - Seafood + vegan. There is already a term for that pescatarian.

Here is how most of the PR mails read ...
" Sticking to a strict vegan diet can be a challenge – some occasionally fall off the wagon, some are looking for a less militant but still very healthy diet, and some might want to try it out without going whole hog at once. For them, we’d suggest trying seaganism.".

You might want to research the blogger you are sending these mails to. If you find the lifestyle militant, why even use that to describe something that already has another label? Why would an ethical vegan be interested in reviewing and supporting something like this?

Good Stuff

Thought I would write some other stuff for a change. :)

Its my Book-iversary! 1 year since my first book release. It has done amazingly well being a niche book. I am super happy that so many people are cooking up Indian and vegan food from it!

Publishing has been a fun as well as frustrating experience. Books are a lot of work. Much more work than blogs. The consistency over recipes, and editing has to be perfect. Also, in terms of $, most of the money goes to distribution, most of the rest to the publisher and a minuscule % to the author.

On the other hand, once published, there is a credibility to being a published author and reaching a lot more people. Books are also perennial. they will always be there.  A win some lose some situation.

I just posted a garam masala recipe on the vegan richa blog and 2 copies of my book giveaway. All the love from everyone in the comments = more of a win win situation!

Do things ever get better?

This post is more for record keeping than a question really.

2006 is when stuff hit the fan. Everything went smoothly and I was almost ok after the first 2 weeks. And then bam, vertigo and balance issues. Was it the accidental double steroid dosage? Was it those weird lying down exercises? Was it the post surgery constipation that the hospital did not treat and let me go home with? Was it just waiting to happen? who knows. But life as I knew it came crashing down.

About 2 years, several doc visits, concluding that the nerves were still healing and the visits were only making me more depressed, so healing at home at my own pace and accepting the changes, later, I was walking around more. Doing some things. Even trying to drive a short drive. Eyes were doing better. Being able to read or work on a computer for more than a few mins and so on.

Another year and half of healing and then it was time for a checkup MRI. and bam, PTSD and panic disorder and agoraphobia. I was crippled for that whole year in 2010. A bit of therapy (with a bad therapist coz that was the only option near home), better therapy with hubbs and my own self, things were functional in another year.

Blog work, book work, new house move, family visits, made up the next 2 years. My balance on average days was better. I could sit on quite some supportive chairs and go for long drives.

And then bam allergies or sinus inflammation. 2012 I had my first 2 month long (who knows what, maybe sinusitis), episode that affected my balance so much that I couldnt be in the kitchen, couldnt sleep much and forget driving out. Sitting the car suddenly became imspossible (angle of seat?, allergens in car? who knows. But it gives me crazy sinus pressure to be in the car esp when it is not moving). Loads of natural remedies and corticosteroid sprays which gave even worse headaches. Then it got better by itself.

Now 3 years of repeat sinus issues every winter and nothing seems to work. This year bam, spring allergies. Allergy tests show I have no pollen allergies, just a mild dust mite, which we already handle at home. So non allergic rhinitis or something to do with the pressure changes. But that applies to winter, what about spring? Why is the high tree and grass pollen crapping my sinuses out?

The sinus inflammation makes balancing myself much more difficult. Balancing on a chair, balancing while walking. Everything more difficult. And it affects my eyes a lot, so eye work gets limited as well. So basically things are generally worse than avg days before. Car trips are not fun anymore on those days.

Oh also this year, I have more trouble sleeping. I have to wake up completely some days and then try to fall asleep again. Lot more random heart rate bumps at night peri-menopause or just allergies causing balance to go bad? who knows.

So many unanswered questions. The things with docs is, I don't want to see them. Coz its an endless cycle of trying to find answers, many specialists, many tests and no diagnosis or no meds that work. So I don't even bother (its super difficult to get to all those appointments with the  limited driving days)
If I can find solutions with the least number of tests and least number of visits and least number of specialists or people seen. With this health care system = impossible.

If you are wondering about my general health (to help me diagnose the new symptoms), It is generally ok. A bit low on Iron (runs in the family), low on vit-d (runs in the pacific northwest). I supplement for b-12, iron and D.

On the other good side, some pointers from a new therapist I found this year and I am getting a bit more comfortable with reducing the dependence on hubbs, so he travels. Yay for that. Now to figure out how not to get low about another set of shiz this year. 

People

I get all sorts of feedback on the recipes on the blog and esp my book. Some of the feedback is about how there isn't enough variety in the flavors and options in the recipes. With the book, it was a hard problem to solve. Have more new recipes with all new flavors from regional cuisines, or add more of versions of favorite meals or restaurant style sauces. There are many regional options esp in the Veggies and Dals Chapters and many restaurant style meals in the Mains. But of course the balance is not going to be perfect for everyone.

It is obvious that many people try out the recipes that they are familiar with, have tasted before or atleast know the names of. So most of the regional  recipes or recipes that need some specific ingredients are made by fewer people and made after trying out other recipes. So how can someone who has not yet tried those options interpret that there aren't enough options? Of course some recipes will taste similar. They are from the same cuisine.

With this new world of social media, everyone is open to express their options (and sometimes demands).

Somedays, it gets disheartening that the only comments on a blog post are about asking me how the recipe can be made something-free. I understand that people cannot always eat everything. I cannot either and I also understand the difficulties with it and try to provide options whenever possible.
But seriously 1- read the post, half the answers are already there ( there are similar recipes on the blog already that are "something"-free depending on what you are looking for and they are generally linked on the post), 2- ask nicely, instead of leaving rude comments about how the recipe "sucks" because it is not "something"-free. (yes, there are several comments on the blog with 1 star rating and on social media about how things suck or pity it isnt something!)

It gets to me somedays, because I literally am scared to post something for the fear of getting many comments and having to deal with them.

Overwhelmed

So the first few months of the year uneventful because there is only so much I can do when my balance is incredibly crappy because of the sinus inflammation. Finally, that seems to be subsiding and I seem to be able to drive further, sit in the car longer, walk farther and so on.

And then things keep piling up. 

I signed up for eye therapy which I haven't been able to move the graph anywhere and I literally hate the weekly or bi-weekly checks. Clearly the therapy speed is totally not suited to me. It is supposed to be a 1 yr therapy which I bet is going to take 3 or more years. 

(on a side note, why in the world did none of all the innumerable specialists suggest this therapy earlier. For so many years I wasn't even doing anything, when this would work out so much better. My eyes were anyway crappy and making them crappier with exercise was something that I could adjust to faster. Now with all the activities planned around every day and being in the state where living with the limited abilities is easier, why would I want to disrupt it all over again, in the hopes of making things better (there is no guarantee to that). Bah). 

I have to eventually get to my dental schedule. root canals and other things to do. 

The usual blog, recipe creation, photography, editing, social media etc always keeps increasing obviously. 

And we are also trying to figure out how to get hubbs to travel. <- div="" most="" nbsp="" pressure.="" the="">
(on another side note, my therapist asks me that do I see that my anxiety is affecting his ability to fly for whatever purposes. And I am like of course I know that. Whats the use of guilt-tripping me for something that I know already, feel bad enough for already, and am trying to find solutions to. That is why I am there for therapy. Strike one for therapist.)

I might just crash this week or have a panic attack.
Note to self. Hang in there.
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The low or overwhelmed state usually lasts for a few hours to a 1-2 days. We usually find things that work to get me out of it. All good. 

Looking for a caretaker/friend

For more than a decade now hubbs has been the pillar of everything around me. He has been through surgery, through all the vertigo attacks, the balance issues, anxiety, post traumatic stress, ups and downs and everything.

When he is hiking or elsewhere, just being able to talk to him or reach him, calms me down. That everything is ok, everything will be ok. Being too far from him where he cannot be immediately reached or from where he cannot come back within a few hours makes me very anxious. It's combination of anxiety disorder, and the fact that if something happens that I cannot handle myself, then how will I get through it. Things like me losing my balance, or a vertigo attack. some of these are real possibilities that can put me a in a situation where I am stuck sitting in one place without being able to reach my meds or phone. Who knows how long the vertigo will last without the meds.

Because of this hubbs hasn't been able to travel or do things that take more than 2 days. For the first few years post surgery we were just trying to deal with and find solutions to the disabilities, for the next few we accepted those and were trying to live with the disabilities. Now those things are settled and I would like to be less dependent on hubbs for some things that can be delegated elsewhere for some periods of time.

Ideally, it would be more of a person/friend to rely on, who I am comfortable with and who is available when needed. I take a long time to warm up to anyone, so spending enough time together will be important.  It would be amazing to have something in common, someone who is (or has a deep understanding or experience with) vegan, Or Indian, Or knows some about balance /vertigo issues or anxiety. Eventually, I have to be able to be comfortable with and depend on this person when my husband is travelling for a few days. Comfortable to be me, i.e, not always pleasant and maybe demanding person if I have certain levels of balance issues :). and so on.

When he is travelling, that would mean a day and night live in. When he is in town, just a few hours a day would be sufficient. But we are open to a live in for a couple of months (6 to 9 months) situation.

So we are looking for a caretaker of sorts who can

- be a daily few hours caretaker or live in if you wish (will have loads of time for you to do your stuff as there are no kids in the house).
- there isn't much to do in the house, dishes, some kitchen clean up, walking chewie are the only daily things. You can help me cook and clean :) . I cook a lot some days.
- laundry every weekend, reorganize things once a month. - Optional.
- drive me and chewie around if needed to grocery store, or you do the shopping if I am not up for it.
- our house is a vegan household  (we have one kitchen to use if you live in. the kitchen is generally very heavily used).
- would appreciate a very calm, non judgmental, nurturing person who takes instruction well.

There are other things you can do as well. Help me with VeganRicha social media and pinterest (scheduling and comments), help with shooting and editing recipe videos and so on. These are all optional.

Please write to me at richahingle @ gmail . com , with short info of previous experiences, rates, and other questions.  I live in Seattle, south of capitol hill. For live in option, we have a room with full bath on the lower floor with privacy as there are no other rooms on that floor. For staying over for the few days during hubbs travels, we also have a guest room with bath on the same floor as other bedrooms. You might have to stay awake with me for a good part of the night though :).

This could mean that I am transferring some of the dependence on someone else(caretaker), but the immediate future, that seems to be my only option.

Dependence

Hubbs has been through all the thick and thin with me. The lows, the vertigo attacks, panic attacks, depression, anxiety, then getting better and slipping back and everything. He is the only person who knows how to help me in any situation.

With the anxiety therapy, one of the things we have to try is to reduce the dependence I have on him, so that I can be less anxious when he is unreachable, or when he is hiking or when he is travelling (which he hasnt done yet for more than 2 days). Why the dependence in the first place. As a limitedly abled person there is always some things I cannot do. Something like me losing my balance, or getting a vertigo attack (which sometimes does not give any warning) is a real possibility anyday, that can put me a in a situation where I am stuck sitting in one place without being able to reach my meds or my phone. Who knows how long the vertigo will last without the meds, how long will I sit there, will I yell for help, will anyone hear it? The therapist wanted to know if I had anyone else around that I could depend somewhat on, family and good friends. And I told her that family lives far away and all the good friends have either moved from the city, or moved on with their lives.

Thats a common occurrence isn't it. Everyone sticking to similar minded people, with similar lifestyles, similar abilities and similar priorities. Anything you are or do differently, simply means a slowly increasing distance from the non different set. For me, the time when I could have cultivated deeper friendships, went in recovery and understanding my limited abilities. Who would want to spend their time sitting and chatting away at home when they can get out and party. So now, as a limitedly abled, no kid, vegan person, it is practically impossible to find people who can be good friends and dependable.
I do have a few, but I have learnt from experience, that the dependence on anyone other than spouse, ( & sometimes family), doesn't work. A friend is always a second priority after children and family.

So the only way, is to figure out dependence on myself. We will see how that goes. 

Do it do it Do it. Or not.

I have had generalized anxiety since surgery. I also went through panic disorder and agoraphobia for a year in between caused by the post traumatic stress. that got better, But different levels of generalized anxiety are something I deal with every day. Anxiety about going out to any new place because I don't know if i will be able to find a place to sit. The darn balance and sinus issues mean I cannot sit anywhere except soft sofas to stabilize. Going out on a drive and the anxiety of getitng stuck in a jam, coz the car seat is bothersome as well.

I just started meeting a therapist to help me deal with generalized anxiety more easily and hence improve my day today life and experiences. One of the methods she suggested was exposure therapy (which isnt a fun name really). Keep exposing myself to different levels of the activities that make me anxious and soon they wont affect me as much.

There are several issues with this.
1. I have been doing that since many years, and every year, through the winter Sinusitis, I can't get out or do most of the things that I could do during the rest of the year. So the confidence resets and i have to start from scratch again.
2. Any kind of anxiety causes my balance to start to go off. The main reason for almost all of the activities that give me anxiety is the fact that when I get any level of anxious, even the least bit, about say going somewhere, it triggers my balance. If I do not let that pass and let the balance calm a bit, the upset balance feeds back into the loop where i get anxious about the fact that my balance is upset. That anxiety causes the balance to get even more upset, and hence more anxiety and so on. So exposing myself to more anxiety, leading up a very upset balance is just going to move me closer to getting panic and vertigo attacks. which isnt going to help me. So onwards to some other mixed therapies.

Lessons in popularity

Sometimes there are recipes that I really like and when I post them. But for most, the recipe might be too new, different than their everyday food :) , so the pageviews and social media shares are minimal.

Chocolate, 3-4-5 ingredient something and cauliflower always are super popular though.

Compartmentalize

The hardest thing so far as a blogger and author has been to keep the negative opinions and reviews out of my head. Even though I know that 99% people love the food, the book, the blog recipes and do let me know, some comments or reviews just get to me.

For example with my book, some not as positive reviews means it is reaching many more people than the intended audience. But reading them is not fun. Sigh, reminder to self, one cannot please everyone. Just do what you do.

Influences

I am Punjabi by birth. Punjabis, as Mom puts it, can be a bit hot headed. That totally applies to me.

I am always ready to fight if cornered. I mean I get very angry very easily. I get other emotions in extremes very easily too. I also have strong opinions. It probably is also amped up by the fact that I am female. Those hormones. :)

On the other hand, hubbs is a this super calm chill person. You'd really have to do something really bad to make him mad.

On many occasions, when I am just starting to get angry, or cursing, he just looks at me like why, what's the use of all that and my anger will die down.

Over the years I have picked up some of that calm energy from him. Thankfully I did, because it is really helpful when as a blogger I have to be out on social media to deal with all kinds of people, or get rude mails and things, and always be politically correct and nice.

On the very few days, when things get to me, the anger just doesn't die down. Today is the day, when everything I say, will have a swear word attached to it. (on most days, I do not use swear/curse words. I think I didn't even know proper swear words till I came to the US. Also learnt them because of the abundant use by guy-friends who use them in the name of free speech since no parents are around).

Crash

I started my visual therapy treatment last month. It started with a program that can be run on my computer, with exercises for eye training like moving targets, moving boxes, matching targets etc. In the past month and a half I tried the exercises just 4 times. and whether I do them for 10 minutes or 30 seconds, I crash. My eyes stop working (being able to read or work on a computer etc), my ears and head hurt, my balance gets crappy, and I get vertigo.

I was thinking of an analogy of what might be happening so I can use it to make others around understand and here is how the analogy works.

Think of a big computer system/software or a computer. Something stops working in that computer, say a driver or software. The computer knows that something isn't working, but the computer cannot fix it. It can keep running with the not working part, just like the body and brain keep functioning even with messed up nerves or muscles. You can keep working the computer or the body, keep telling it to work, it will work, but the problem is not going to get resolved by itself.

Now a developer/coder comes in and attempts to figure out the problem and fix it. The initial few passes, any code that he writes will most likely cause crashes in the system. After a few tries, he may find something that works. After a couple more tries and a deeper understanding of how the software works, he may figure out what solution is needed and proceed to write it. The code that he writes for the solution might not work the fist time he writes it. After a few iterations, it might finally start working as expected.

The visual therapy is working similarly on my brain. Trying to create new paths of dependence as some nerves just do not work. In the initial stages, everything just crashes, and it will.

Its always a complete crash. I get from being able to do loads of work continuously for 8 to 9 hours on the computer, in the kitchen, photography, editing, walking chewie, driving around etc, to being able to do nothing. I just sit and listen to audiobooks, curse the vertigo (the vertigo always comes back), sleep and repeat. All this after just 30 seconds of exercise. #$%#$*

I don't know, how I will keep getting motivated to do the exercises, even though I know they will likely help me in the future.

The down time of 3 to 4 days, the bad eyes and vertigo are extremely depressing. I was doing so much every single day of last year, except for a few bad days or rest days. Every dingle day I was accomplishing something. I am keeping up the hope that I get used to the exercises soon and crash less and less with less extremes just like the computer fix.