Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Looking for a caretaker/friend

For more than a decade now hubbs has been the pillar of everything around me. He has been through surgery, through all the vertigo attacks, the balance issues, anxiety, post traumatic stress, ups and downs and everything.

When he is hiking or elsewhere, just being able to talk to him or reach him, calms me down. That everything is ok, everything will be ok. Being too far from him where he cannot be immediately reached or from where he cannot come back within a few hours makes me very anxious. It's combination of anxiety disorder, and the fact that if something happens that I cannot handle myself, then how will I get through it. Things like me losing my balance, or a vertigo attack. some of these are real possibilities that can put me a in a situation where I am stuck sitting in one place without being able to reach my meds or phone. Who knows how long the vertigo will last without the meds.

Because of this hubbs hasn't been able to travel or do things that take more than 2 days. For the first few years post surgery we were just trying to deal with and find solutions to the disabilities, for the next few we accepted those and were trying to live with the disabilities. Now those things are settled and I would like to be less dependent on hubbs for some things that can be delegated elsewhere for some periods of time.

Ideally, it would be more of a person/friend to rely on, who I am comfortable with and who is available when needed. I take a long time to warm up to anyone, so spending enough time together will be important.  It would be amazing to have something in common, someone who is (or has a deep understanding or experience with) vegan, Or Indian, Or knows some about balance /vertigo issues or anxiety. Eventually, I have to be able to be comfortable with and depend on this person when my husband is travelling for a few days. Comfortable to be me, i.e, not always pleasant and maybe demanding person if I have certain levels of balance issues :). and so on.

When he is travelling, that would mean a day and night live in. When he is in town, just a few hours a day would be sufficient. But we are open to a live in for a couple of months (6 to 9 months) situation.

So we are looking for a caretaker of sorts who can

- be a daily few hours caretaker or live in if you wish (will have loads of time for you to do your stuff as there are no kids in the house).
- there isn't much to do in the house, dishes, some kitchen clean up, walking chewie are the only daily things. You can help me cook and clean :) . I cook a lot some days.
- laundry every weekend, reorganize things once a month. - Optional.
- drive me and chewie around if needed to grocery store, or you do the shopping if I am not up for it.
- our house is a vegan household  (we have one kitchen to use if you live in. the kitchen is generally very heavily used).
- would appreciate a very calm, non judgmental, nurturing person who takes instruction well.

There are other things you can do as well. Help me with VeganRicha social media and pinterest (scheduling and comments), help with shooting and editing recipe videos and so on. These are all optional.

Please write to me at richahingle @ gmail . com , with short info of previous experiences, rates, and other questions.  I live in Seattle, south of capitol hill. For live in option, we have a room with full bath on the lower floor with privacy as there are no other rooms on that floor. For staying over for the few days during hubbs travels, we also have a guest room with bath on the same floor as other bedrooms. You might have to stay awake with me for a good part of the night though :).

This could mean that I am transferring some of the dependence on someone else(caretaker), but the immediate future, that seems to be my only option.

Thursday, March 03, 2016


Hubbs has been through all the thick and thin with me. The lows, the vertigo attacks, panic attacks, depression, anxiety, then getting better and slipping back and everything. He is the only person who knows how to help me in any situation.

With the anxiety therapy, one of the things we have to try is to reduce the dependence I have on him, so that I can be less anxious when he is unreachable, or when he is hiking or when he is travelling (which he hasnt done yet for more than 2 days). Why the dependence in the first place. As a limitedly abled person there is always some things I cannot do. Something like me losing my balance, or getting a vertigo attack (which sometimes does not give any warning) is a real possibility anyday, that can put me a in a situation where I am stuck sitting in one place without being able to reach my meds or my phone. Who knows how long the vertigo will last without the meds, how long will I sit there, will I yell for help, will anyone hear it? The therapist wanted to know if I had anyone else around that I could depend somewhat on, family and good friends. And I told her that family lives far away and all the good friends have either moved from the city, or moved on with their lives.

Thats a common occurrence isn't it. Everyone sticking to similar minded people, with similar lifestyles, similar abilities and similar priorities. Anything you are or do differently, simply means a slowly increasing distance from the non different set. For me, the time when I could have cultivated deeper friendships, went in recovery and understanding my limited abilities. Who would want to spend their time sitting and chatting away at home when they can get out and party. So now, as a limitedly abled, no kid, vegan person, it is practically impossible to find people who can be good friends and dependable.
I do have a few, but I have learnt from experience, that the dependence on anyone other than spouse, ( & sometimes family), doesn't work. A friend is always a second priority after children and family.

So the only way, is to figure out dependence on myself. We will see how that goes.